Monday, 13 March 2017
Thursday, 9 March 2017
Anxiety is a bitch!!
No really it is!!
If there were a list of pointless things, that serve no real purpose, it would be up there with Mum Guilt.... and wasps!!!!
It makes you feel like you are losing the plot.
It makes everyone around you think you are losing the plot!
Day to day it doesnt affect me too much (thanks to medication). However a break from the norm will always set it off.
Things like a weekend away without the children.
Relinquishing control of your children doesnt come easy. Not to me.
I get irrational. Imagining countless scenarios with catastrophic consequences, and they play on my mind.
Its not because I dont trust who I leave them with. Of course I do!! Its because I can't really cope with the lack of control. It makes me anxious. Like swirly tummy, dry mouth, heart racing, hold your breath anxious.
Deep down the rational me says that there is no greater chance of anything happening when Im not around, than when I am. But the rational me gets squashed!
The only way to combat this is to have my little rituals. The things I do to 'prepare'.
I wont bore you with the details, but tomorrow when my folks arrive they will be BOMBARDED with information.
It wont end when I've gone either! There will be texts.... random texts of things that I remember which, I know I am actually only sending for my benefit. Things I feel like I need to say otherwise something bad will happen.
It wont, but it make me feel better.
Husbands are funny in these scenarios. They say countless times 'they will be fine' while pouring another drink 🍸 🍸
Whilst I'm turning a bit 'Monica' and saying
'Will they?? WILL THEY ???'
Once I've gone the rational me will kick in.
I know I have left them with the people who love them as much as me, and I can't really do much more. Unless I never want to leave them EVER! No amount of lying awake worrying about it will keep them any safer.
So its all just a bit pointless.
Now..... where's that giant roll of cotton wool??